Judging the Royals

Games » Minnesota Twins

Lee Judge

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I know a guy who can throw strikes with his eyes shut. Really.

Chris made it to AA with the Orioles and had a curveball rated as one of the two best in the entire organization, but his fastball was short. Goodbye professional ballplayer, hello pitching instructor.

He works out in Blue Springs teaching kids pitching mechanics. His own mechanics are so good he can close his eyes, go through his windup and deliver a strike. I’ve seen him do it plenty of times. He says that if you do everything right on the mound, the ball will be where you want it to be when it reaches the plate.

I once saw him throw a no-hitter against the St. Joseph Cardinals, the Jayhawk League team that, at the time, was run by a guy who might’ve had a screw loose. Despite the fact that a couple hundred people was considered a good crowd, he’d bring in big-time acts like the Chicken, Max Patkin and some woman who came out in a bikini, got into a box and blew it up with dynamite.

So my buddy’s throwing his no-no when the Bill Veeck of St. Jo sends a midget to the plate. Chris was so mad that this publicity stunt was being pulled in the late innings of a no-hitter that he said he considered hitting the midget so hard that “he’d knock his ass all the way to the backstop.”

To be honest, I really wish he had, because I knew something he didn’t. When I walked up to the ballpark that night, there was a sign advertising the appearance of “Kid Dynamite, Champion Midget Wrestler.”

As I told him later, “Dude, do you have any idea how much I would’ve paid to see you get your ass kicked by a midget?”

Now the point of this story is that when Chris was faced with someone about three-foot-nothing during a no-hitter, he did what all pitchers everywhere should do every night: He threw strikes.

As far as I know, there are two midgets who have come to the plate in a baseball game. One of them walked, and my buddy struck out the other one.

And he could’ve done it blindfolded.

(This story was brought to you by the frustration of watching the Royals give up seven more walks last night.)