Judging the Royals

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Lee Judge

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Someone told me that if I could manage to work the words ‘Derek Jeter’ and ‘New York Yankees’ into my game notes the website would come up more often on internet searches. Well, heck, I can do a lot better than that:

LADY GAGA NUDE did not appear in this game, much to the fans’ disappointment. And speaking of fans disappointment, Marvin Hudson, umpiring first base like a man HALF-OFF DRUGS, abused Chris Getz worse than a XXX S&M PORN STAR!!! In the eighth inning, a bad call at first cost Getz a hit and the Royals a possible run. Another bad call in the third tagged Getz with an error. I was more disgusted than POPE BENEDICT XVI watching a PARIS HILTON SEX TAPE. Home plate umpire Brian Runge was also more irritating than DONALD TRUMP with an overly-exaggerated strikeout call, gaudier than CHEAP JEWELRY!

Michael Pineda, throwing harder than CHARLIE SHEEN parties, held the Royals to 5 hits, many less than THE BEATLES had. The Royals kept the game close on the defensive side by pitching well and flashing more leather than a PROFESSIONAL DOMINATRIX!

Brayan Pena drove in the Royals’ first run with a sacrifice fly and appeared to be happier than a man who just got a PAYDAY LOAN or bought CHEAP AUTO INSURANCE.

Still, the big event of the day was Hudson’s bad call and I think he ought to admit he was wrong like a man, but that would require PENIS ENHANCEMENT!

In conclusion, I’d like to say PORN, PORN, PORN, PORN, PORN, PORN, PORN, PORN, PORN, PORN, PORN, PORN, BORED HOUSEWIFE PORN, PORN, PORN, PORN, STRIPPERS LIVE, PORN, PORN, PORN, PORN, PORN, MADONNA and PORN.

(There, that ought to do the trick.)

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming

One of the more difficult categories to score is ‘outstanding defensive play’ mainly because major-league players are so good they can make something incredibly difficult look easy.

Take Jeff Francoeur’s catch of a Milton Bradley line drive in the fourth. Great jump, good route, catches the ball on the run and then bounces off the fence. Frenchy made it look like just another day at the office, but it ain’t that easy. Any time an outfielder hits the track he’s got a lot to deal with: the fence is coming up (your supposed to know how many strides you can take at full speed before hitting it) AND parks are often built with fans hanging out over the track, just one more thing to think about while making the catch.

I asked several people whether Jeremy Jeffress’ snag of a line drive at his head was a great defensive play or just survival. The consensus was: give the guy points for reflexes…and if one of my criteria is ‘did you think the defense would get an out when the ball was hit?’ I’ve got to admit I wasn’t sure the defense would have a pitcher left when the ball was hit. I’ll go back and give him his points.

The other stuff

• If you were watching the rain delay the other night and saw the kid on the grounds crew get run over by the tarp (already a YouTube sensation), you’ll be happy to know he’s fine. I thought he might’ve broken a rib, but they said he only had the wind knocked out of him. His new nickname around the stadium?

“Speed bump.”

*If you were watching this game and saw Milton Bradley come to the plate with something white in his ears, here’s what I was told: he was getting heckled and decided to do something about it…play major-league baseball with Kleenex stuffed in his ears.

• I’ve been asked several times about use of the bullpen and here’s what I was told: generally, and let me emphasize generally, a reliever who throws two days in a row will need a day off. (Remember, it’s not just the pitches in the game, warm ups count too and sometimes a guy might warm up more than once.) Sometimes Soria is used three days in a row and then he’s definitely getting a day off.

Doug Sisson and I were talking about the Royals running game and yet another wild pickoff throw it forced. Doug pointed out a benefit of stealing I hadn’t thought about: it’s not only stealing bases that affect a game, it’s also the *threat of stealing bases. “If a pitcher comes over to first three times, there’s no way he’s going to be as effective with his pitch once he finally goes home.”

*Brayan Pena’s Spanish lesson for the day, “ La lluvia fue dificil esta noche” roughly translated (and most likely spelled) “The rain was difficult tonight.” Brayan gave me that one right after Thursday’s rain-shortened game. We were talking in the clubhouse Sunday morning and Pena was keeping an eye on that day’s starter Jeff Francis. Brayan periodically would let Jeff know the time so he could stay on schedule and be ready to throw game speed precisely at 1:10. At some point before taking the field the catcher sits down with the pitcher and goes over the game plan for attacking each hitter. They always sit there quietly talking no matter how loud the clubhouse is. It’s like giving last instructions to a secret agent getting ready to parachute into enemy territory…which probably isn’t far off.

*I asked Kyle Davies if ‘talented, but inconsistent’ was a fair assessment of his career so far. He agreed with the ‘so far’ part. Then I asked if the inconsistency was mechanical or mental. Kyle thought in the past it was both and this year he’s got his mechanics where he wants them and just needs to be consistent with his mental approach.

Does the Royals’ improved defense help?

Definitely, it convinces a pitcher to be more aggressive about throwing strikes knowing plays will be made behind him. (Sean O’Sullivan said the same thing and credited his ‘D’ for his good outing Saturday.) Kyle and I ended talking about 0-2 situations and I asked him if he’d ‘waste’ a pitch in that count. He said he never ‘wastes’ a pitch, but would probably throw something that ended up out of the zone in an effort to let a hitter get himself out. So keep an eye out for that when Kyle’s 0-2. Interesting note: the starter of the next game sits on the bench and charts pitches, keeping track of pitches thrown, counts and hitter’s reactions. Kyle was charting for the last game with Seattle, but his next start is against Cleveland. Even though today’s stats won’t help Kyle in the next game, they’ll help some other pitcher down the road.

*Chris Getz said the compression sleeve watch is over. He was just too cold the Friday night, came out for Saturday’s game thinking it was going to be cold and went to full sleeves…plus Friday he took an 0-fer.